this is a big week. my baby turns 4 months old and it is the end of my maternity leave. i have decided not to return to work and i have to break the news to my bosses. i cannot believe how much my life has changed in the last 4 months. how far i am from where i was when i left my job. i can’t imagine not being with my baby every day. i can’t imagine how it could work, me gone all the time and trying to spend an hour at night with him before he goes to bed. i can’t imagine how people do it. i love my son. he needs me and i need him, too. i feel lucky that i have saved enough money to take a little time to be with him. i’m nervous about the great unknown aspect of it. it’s hard for me to not have the security of supporting myself. really, really hard. but in my heart i know that i need to be home with him. at the same time, i have to admit that some part of me feels something is missing.
i was raised on astrology and have always been aware that my sun, moon and jupiter are all in the 10th house. the 10th house represents career, social status and ultimate aims and ambitions. the midheaven (the sign on the cusp of the 10th house) is the highest point of the chart and represents our most public point. it represents our public face or most visible goals and achievements. having sun in the 10th house typically means a drive for success and power and difficulty being anyone’s employee. my midheaven/10th house are in the sign of cancer. my sun, however, is in leo. this has always been a bit of a conflict for me. my leo sun craves success and recognition and my cancer moon/jupiter/midheaven have always had me on the quieter side. this has kept me humble, but it also has held me back in some way. i am a serious worrier. i take everything personally. and i’m far more focused on relationship than on success. for example, i was in a job for 11 years before i finally got a promotion and managed a group of people doing the job i had been doing. this happened because i had built up a group of bosses that i had known for years and was comfortable with. had i not known them and felt supported by them, i never would have taken the leap. that big cancer influence has always made me a homebody. i love everything about being at home, down to cleaning it. it has also made me deeply nostalgic. it’s no wonder my house is filled with antiques and vintage clothing. it has always been my dream to have a vintage clothing store.
lately i have been trying to sell clothes on instagram. this involves me breaking out my actual camera and photographing my favorite pieces of clothing that i can no longer fit into or no longer have the ability to wear with an early stage of teething, drool machine of a baby. and so i started putting up clothes and i’ve actually sold a few. i’m sort of surprised by how fun it is. here’s hoping it continues to evolve. so pop over to instagram- @hvalentinethreads if you like.